I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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