I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
tell me about the eggs
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
