Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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