I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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