she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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