what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
