I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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