There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
