You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
