I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
