she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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