There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
