drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
