I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
