We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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