I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
