Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
