And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
even my farts smell like vagina
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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