I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
