he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i will never coherently bang her
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
