No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
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Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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