it wasn't lemon gatorade
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
