i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
