Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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