My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
