no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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