worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
