i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hello my rib-scented angel!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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