So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
