I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
can u get pink eye on your cock?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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