oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
