did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
