final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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