pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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