Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my phone needs a breathalizer
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
