I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
