tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
