it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
