hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
