Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
