In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
