She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
