I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
