And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
