She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
