Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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