No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
