I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
