I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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