She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
