I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
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he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
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I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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