break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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