Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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