Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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