I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
