with your own penis?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
