oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
