She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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