made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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