can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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