just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Someone came in the potted fern
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
