I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
