Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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