If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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