i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
