do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize