oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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