It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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