Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
