Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
