I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
