sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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