She tied me up with her honor cords...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
