Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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