Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
