Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
