I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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