New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
