Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
