Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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