whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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