Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
