I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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