whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
