Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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