guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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