I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
