We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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