So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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